The Casper Journal :: Casper's Community Newspaper

Lots of new folks are coming to Wyoming, and I thought it would be neighborly to offer a few observations that might serve to smooth their way into the local culture.

1. Do not order drinks with names like "Grasshopper," "Pink Lady" or "Sloe Screw" unless you are in Teton County. In the other 22 counties, it will upset the bartender. Also, if you wear red cowboy boots anywhere but Jackson, you run the risk of getting beat up.

2. Don't laugh at our little towns like Dubois, Meeteetse, Ten Sleep, Encampment, Chugwater, Kaycee, etc. Compared to Cleveland or Chicago or Miami or Los Angeles or Dallas, they are heaven on Earth.

3. Don't order a soda within Wyoming's borders. Here it is called "pop." Accept it. Doing otherwise marks you as a "foreigner."

4. Do not be mislead by our "aw shucks" demeanor. Most of us are more literate than you might think and probably a lot nicer once you get used to the pseudo-cowboy bravado.

5. Do not even try to understand Wyoming water law. It only will give you a headache unless you actually do understand it, in which case it will irritate you.

6. The opinions and observations of a 6-year-old with a room temperature IQ who was born here are given far more credence than are those of a 60-year-old Nobel Prize winner who moved here when she was 6.

7. The word is pronounced, "Row-Dee-O." If you insist on talking about going to the "Row-Day-O," you will be immediately marked as a dork.

8. We know how cold and windy it can be during the winter. We encourage that in order to keep wimps from overstaying their welcome. Just shut up and try to enjoy it; summer will generally show up sometime during the second week of June.

9. Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to ladies because such things are expected of civilized people. So, behave yourselves around our sweet, little, gray-haired grandmothers or they will knock some manners into you just like they did us.

10. Don't lecture us on ecology or environmental awareness. We know we have a few problems in that regard, but we are working on it. Meanwhile, pointing out ugly strip mines, "forests" of gas wells replete with hundreds of miles of service roads and thousands of acres of cheatgrass isn't going to accomplish anything. Get involved and help us straighten this mess out.

Welcome to Wyoming!

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