Still hope after all these years

by Wyoma Groenenberg
Thursday, June 26, 2008 9:19 AM MDT

Would he ever get it? How many times would I have to ask n or beg?

I’d tell him my needs, and plead with him yet again to meet them n otherwise, I couldn’t be happy.

He was quite intimidated by my regular requests for him to change.

He’d get a look of panic and start his usual unbearably long “processing” time. But this one time, after what seemed like hours, he finally told me that my wants were like filling the Grand Canyon.

He actually showed me with an analogy how my appeal made him feel.

We were making progress!

It was 25 years ago today n June 25, 1983 -- when Henry Groenenberg and I, then Wyoma Haskins, said our marriage vows in front of family and friends at St. Anthony’s Catholic Church in Casper.

Like any newly married couple, we anticipated happiness and blessings, along with children, planning for a wonderful family life.

On our wedding day, love was in the air. Hope was present and also stated boldly on a banner behind us.

But my hopes went far beyond the typical kind -- I had hidden hopes too. I hoped Henry would change to be the man and husband whom I wanted him to be.

I expected that he would be like the men in movies and on soap operas, knowing the right thing to say and do in ALL instances. But gee, being a human, the love of my life had faults just like me.

Yes, my dream of a fairy tale marriage with Prince Charming placed my life mate in a catch-22 before we even crossed the threshold of our castle.

No, Henry, like many men, couldn’t express his thoughts and feelings instantly. But I continued for many years trying to transform him.

During those years of trying to mold Henry into my ideal spouse, I spent time in the Dungeon of Disappointment.

And despite my prince doing the best that he could, I’m sure at times that Henry wanted to escape, riding off in the sunset n by himself.

After our daughters, Brittany and Christy grew up, I tended to depend on them more to meet my needs of friendship and discussions.

They’re both gone now … and I’ve had to come full circle to the man who God chose for me. Henry has always been there for me, through my roller coaster of emotions and actions.

Henry has been my anchor who brings me back to a semblance of balance after I’ve been flitting around, trying to achieve a certain level of stability in myself.

As our hair has silvered and we’re experiencing an empty nest, we’ve become better friends. We’re rekindling the love and fun we had before, now with a hopefully wiser, more mature attitude on my part.

Today, it’s our silver anniversary, and I have new kinds of hope n hope that isn’t so self-centered. I’ve learned that you can’t form another human being into a person that he or she is not.

I hope Henry and I will be able to enjoy retirement and grandchildren together. I hope our two wonderful daughters find happiness and success in their own lives.

I hope we’ll continue to grow as a married couple and as friends.

There’s a new outlook on Henry’s and my relationship and marriage. Instead of wishing for changes, I know that we can work anything out, no matter what it is.

That knowledge probably always was there, but a couple needs to learn to compromise, work together as a team and try to get past their fears and their own agendas.

We’re not the perfect couple by any means, but we’ve come a long way. I’m looking forward to the years ahead with Henry to love, live and learn n along with a large dose of HOPE!

Happy 25th anniversary, Henry! Thanks for your love, patience, constant giving, respect and kindness.

I LOVE YOU!

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