Haunted by hounds

by Susan Anderson
Tuesday, December 11, 2007 1:13 PM MST

“Fish frying on stove sets house ablaze after dog shuts woman out of home.”

Incredibly, this is not a story about me or my dogs, who would be perfectly capable of locking a person out of a house.

No, this story on MSNBC.com is about a dog in Topeka, Kan., whose owner was frying fish when she decided to quickly step outside to dump the garbage.

Her dog somehow locked the door while she was gone, leaving the fish burning in the pan and the woman outside looking in. By the time firemen arrived, fish flames had caused $50,000 worth of damage. The dog was OK, though.

Why she didn’t break a window, I don’t know. But it cheers me to learn that my golden retriever Molly isn’t the only canine with an opposable thumb. At my house, we are now going through baby-safe lock number two in an effort to keep the dog out of the garbage.

It took her nearly a year to realize that she could pull out the kitchen drawer that holds the garbage, but now that she knows it, there’s no going back. So we installed baby-safe lock number one. It took a week for her to dismantle that.

Now a really serious lock has been installed. This lock is secure from dogs and babies, but unfortunately it’s safe from me too. I can’t pry the thing open. So, holding dripping eggshells and trying to outsmart the baby lock without pinching my fingers, I gave up and left a bag of trash high on a countertop, well above dog range.

When I returned to the house, there was evidence of an obvious struggle. Part of the now-empty plastic bag was scattered on the floor and next to it was a festive neck scarf Molly had been wearing.

Oh, Christmas dog

I’m beginning to feel haunted by dogs. Everywhere I look, they are intruding on the Christmas season.

I was watching a group of adorable little kids sing “Oh, Christmas Tree” with all their hearts. Their conductor was clearly telling them to open their mouths when they sing, because they all looked like guppies gasping for air as they worked through such tough lines as “Much pleasure doth thou bring me” and “How are thy leaves so verdant!”

Each time they came to the phrase “Oh, Christmas tree,” they got much more confidant and twice as loud.

But the energy level was sinking a little as they approached verse number eight. At a brief lull, a 4-year-old boy in the choir suddenly loudly improvised “Bow, wow, wow, wow.”

Yet another weird twist on Christmas -- the dog at the Christmas tree.

This wouldn’t surprise a friend’s young daughter, who places a dog firmly at the scene of Jesus’ birth. She sets up the family’s nativity scene with her own unique vision.

A poodle guards the Bethlehem sheep and a holiday Barbie is placed close to the cradle because she is the nanny for the Baby Jesus.

You didn’t know about the nanny at the nativity?

Her best inspiration, though, was to place a “snack table” in the manger. Certainly it makes sense if people are coming in to see the baby to have some food for them. Perhaps the milk and cookies left for Santa had some influence.

But in one of those sad signs of kids growing up, this year she announced to her mom, “I’m not having a snack table this year.”

And I was just warming to the idea. A snack table under our tree might be a good diversion to lure the golden retriever away from the garbage.

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